While I am a fan of
Gratefulness.org and its founder,
Br. David Steindl-Rast, an orientation to life based fundamentally on gratitude is something with which I struggle. Several says ago I was thinking and my train of thought led me to the old parable, The Gift of Insults. I will update it to a distinctly American form for those not familiar with it:
A famous gunslinger became tired of a life of violence as he became older, so he decided to retire to a nice quiet town where he became quite a celebrity to many of the local boys. A new gunslinger was on the rise, challenging anyone and everyone and seeking to make his own reputation by gunning down those who were already respected and feared. This young gun learned that the old gunslinger was still alive and still quite handy with a pistol, so the young gun tracked him down to call him out. The young gun was very perceptive and very fast on the draw. All he needed was for his opponent to make the slightest move and the young gun could outdraw anyone. He never missed. The old gunslinger saw the young gun arrive in town and stood unflinching as the young gun taunted him and mocked him. The young gun wanted to provoke the old gunslinger, because there was no glory in shooting someone who wasn't even trying to defend himself. But no matter how vile and vulgar the young gun was, the old gunslinger remained cool and confident. Finally, after an hour or so, the young gun left, feeling defeated and humiliated.
Some of the boys from town ran up to the old gunslinger and wanted to know why the young gun left looking so ashamed and more importantly, why had the old man just stood there while being so insulted. Why wasn't it the old man who had been shamed? And even if he would have lost, why didn't the old gunslinger at least try to draw on the young gun and defend his honor? The old gunslinger sat down and grinned at the boys. He told them that neither his piece of mind nor his manhood had been harmed, while the young gun was the one who had actually spoiled his own reputation and looked the fool. The boys could sense that was true, but they couldn't understand how it had happened. The old gunslinger leaned back in his chair and asked the boys, "If someone offers you a gift, but you don't accept it, is it yours?" The boys all shook their heads. The old gunslinger continued, "That's right, it still belongs to the one who offered it, and everything we say and do to someone else is like a gift. If someone tells you that you're ugly, that alone doesn't make it so, does it?" The boys again shook their heads. "But if you accept what they say about you, you might as well beat yourself with an ugly stick." Some of the boys giggled. "So now, that young fellow tried to give me a full bushel of meanness and ugliness, didn't he?" One of the boys blurted out "And how!" The old gunslinger nodded, then continued, "So boys, if I refused to accept his gift, who does it belong to?"
