Buddhism and family

There has been a bit of reaction to an article by Clark Strand that appeared in a recent issue of Tricycle magazine called "Dharma Family Values: Or, Why American Buddhism must change or die". Strand suggests that because many Westerners come to Buddhism as adults there is no regular institution in American forms of Buddhism for occasions like birth, marriage, and death. The result is that Buddhism in America is not, for the most part, a family affair. Taking that a little further, I would add Buddhism in America is more of an individual activity than a group one, more about private practice and reflection rather than public gathering and engagement.

Strand refers to this briefly in mentioning that Buddhism in America has tended to follow a self-help rather than a religious model in that it has functioned mainly as a tool to meet the needs of the individual (or, in the case of more socially conscious individuals, of society at large)." As the title of his piece suggests, the primary concern here for strand is what shape Buddhism will be in if it isn't passed down to children. But I would take another approach and simply ask what shape it is in now without the more gregarious social element.

Whether or not one is fond of the idea of raising children in America "as Buddhists", there is still the frequently unfilled need of parents who want to be involved in activities where they can bring their children. Even without kids, some people simply enjoy coffee hours (or half-hour), group picnics, and other activities and would like for their sangha to have such a familial and family-friendly atmosphere. Even disregarding the question of whether it's important to raise children to be (inclined to become) Buddhists, there is the question of who Buddhism will be able to reach out to and just what it will have to offer them.

If Buddhism has something to offer couples, families, and groups of friends as couples, families, and groups of friends, as opposed to only collections of individuals, then more children will have the opportunity to be raised "as Buddhists" or to at least have fond associations of childhood memories and the sangha, even if they do not remain Buddhists as adults. When they have their own children, they may even rekindle a relationship with their old sangha or a new one to give their children a chance to make similar memories. This is not about indoctrination or playing a numbers game of success or failure by the demographics. It is just cause and effect. More people will then want to have Buddhist ceremonies for birth, marriage, and death. Not because of a strategy to win converts or retain their offspring, but because people find something worthwhile in associating with the sangha.

In that spirit, we can ask what it is that churches and synagogues in the US have traditionally offered outside of theology to their congregations and whether it would be appropriate and beneficial is Buddhist sanghas offered the same. Not to "win" or "survive", but to fill a need in the community. Such as friendship, a sense of solidarity, a place to go and something to do when you are broke, bored or sad, a way to meet people with similar values for romantic relationships, and a proving ground for the lessons we get during the formal service. So... bake sale anyone?