hello again

 

There is either quite a lot to say or not much at all.

This blog was much more active between 2005 and 2014. I was going to start writing more in again in 2016, then midway through the year I started a new job that took up much of my time and the political and religious environment started becoming much darker. When I logged on to write, criticism and frustration emerged.

There has been much to criticize the past four years, but I didn't want to be bitter or give an impression of bitterness to others. I also found myself just being very, very tired in many ways - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. And, to be honest, I wasn't sure what to write beyond pointing out the hypocrisy and harm of those who substitute idolatry for faith.

When I became tinythinker many years ago, I was coming from a somewhat American fundamentalist Christian background. I had already left all of that behind and was still near the beginning of my graduate school days, studying evolutionary theory, cultures from the past and present around the world, and so much more. I started using the name for message boards back then, where I encountered some interesting Buddhists on forms otherwise full of Christian and atheists going at it. Sometimes with respect or some kind of boundaries, and sometimes not. So even before I brought my net handle to this blog, I had developed a curiosity in things like Unitarian Universalism, Buddhism, and even mystical Christianity.

I continued exploring such things to varying degrees between 2005 and 2014, as evidenced by the content from that period. But it wasn't just those thing in of themselves, though that was also intriguing, but also what they might mean for questions people tend to wrestle with and the answers that they fight over. Still, for me much of it was also self-image and construction, solving intellectual puzzles, and just finding out about different views that seemed so interesting.

Around 2010, having gotten into readings the preceding couple of years on contemplative and mystical Christianity, and with no Buddhist groups around, I tried attending a nearby church for a while. It was interesting, and I participated pretty well, but after a couple of years my curiosity and interest expired. So my attendance and participation drifted off. Still, I had been able to go beyond a lot of what I had previously experienced and known in my youth, through books and actual live services.

Which left a question.

What then?

 

Apparently, I wasn't sure of the answer to that. So I went on posting here somewhat regularly for well over a year exploring (or re-exploring) some topics. But the thing about actually putting lots of though into things and actually trying them first hand (for example while I was in that new Christianity phase I did the Daily Office of the Episcopal Church a lot, which is similar to the Divine Office of the Roman Catholics), you get to places quicker. Where I got to was a place of futility.

Futility as in not being where I thought I would be: spiritually, physically, career-wise, and so on.

Looking back I did make important realizations and had openings for growth, but those can be missed or dismissed as being unimportant or irrelevant.

For example:

• I love that (parts of) Buddhism are non-dogmatic
• I really enjoy many Buddhist images and concepts
• Basic Buddhist teachings as they are known and expressed in these times can be useful to non-Buddhists
• Christianity has some smothered and pruned aspects that are also non-dogmatic with beautiful images and concepts
• There are people working to emphasize these things in Buddhism and Christianity
• There are people working to root these things out or dismiss them
• Buddhist and Christian monasticism are fascinating but challenging
• Buddhist and Christian monasticism are often over-romanticized, which in fact is bad for monasticism
  
• I tend to draw from a lot of sources for images and concepts and teachings
• I score pretty low on any kind of mysticism scale - that is, seeing hidden connections and meaning, experiencing the numinous, perceiving greater depth to reality, etc; to me it's all just flat/as it seems/ordinary
• Related to the point right above, on a scale of 1 to 10 on whether I personally feel/experience a sense of connection to something greater or that there is some larger meaning to existence, I am around a 1.5 or 2
• Related to the point right above, intellectually I can see my way to a bit of a higher score but in a highly non-committal way
  
• I see religions as human made, but also don't think that means they contain no valuable insights or that they can't offer experiences or perspectives that can help people expand their awareness or perspective
• I don't really go for demystified/wholly securalized Buddhism or Christianity and so on but I am also not against people finding something helpful in religion even if they don't agree with every core tenet and common practices
• Anti-religionism is a waste of time but anti-idolatry/anti-extreme fundamentalism is not
• When we choose to associate with a religious identity, spiritual pathway, or sacred tradition it can still give us some measure of peace or inspiration even if we aren't committed enough for some to consider us "true" members or followers or disciples
• Nonetheless I still tend to think or feel in terms of authenticity when it comes to religion-related things, which tends to contradict or be at unease with the point listed immediately above
• Authenticity or the desire for authenticity is not wholly wrong or counter-productive but it can be an obstacle to actually being authentic or benefiting from the resources our societies and cultures pass down to us from preceding generations

Then after being in that time of futility, along came the rise of visibility and influence of the idolator fundamentalists (wherein idolatry here can be loosely translated as worshiping an image or symbol as a totem of power, of allegiance to such symbols rather than the actual values and principles they stand for, lip service combined with utter hypocrisy).

So, the blog went on hiatus. I tried to pop in a couple of times after that, but that's it.

I don't where things go from here.

Perhaps we shall find out.